I come from a family of raging alcoholics so I've always kept an eye out for when 'the odd glass' might start to feel like a crutch. During lockdown I'd start watching the clock from about 3pm, desperate for 5pm to come round so I could empty half a bottle of wine into a glass the size of a baby's head and take the edge off the boredom. I'm now 52 and more than a couple makes me sweat wine and sleep like I've fallen out of a taxi after six Diamond Whites and a tequila chaser.
SO, I went into my 50s with three rules - 1) only drink on special occasions (parties, dinners out, holidays, Christmas etc), 2) drink whatever you like, it's a special occasion and 3) whatever you're drinking, never drink more than two.
A few years on, this seems to be working - having a drink feels like a treat, but I can go weeks in between and not give it a thought. LOVE the skincare tips btw, I'll be doing this tomorrow.
Oh I nodded along to this Claire. I decided to challenge myself in July 2023 with no drinking for a month. I was finding my dependance on that 6pm (come on Samantha, it was becoming 5:30pm) wine which became half a bottle a night was pissing me off despite looking forward to it and enjoying it sooooo much. But I was also resenting it because it made me feel like it wasn’t just a sociable end of day little habit but a sociable end of day addiction. My husband drinks and it was always a nice “what would you like to drink darling?” question at the end of the day. Sort of a full stop. A contented sigh and a smile. Anyway. The challenge. I replaced wine with non alcoholic beer - I still wanted the feeling of celebratory day end/evening beginness and tried lots of other alcohol free offerings. Mother Root, Kombucha, Calm, radaradarada…after a month — THE SLEEP I WAS HAVING WAS REVELATORY. The quality of it. I felt better. Damn it. I looked better fuck it. I lost weight. Jeezus give me strength. I was in a better mood. I know right?!? The reduced inflammation - no it wasn’t just age making my joints ache and creek F F S. So I challenged myself to do 3 mths then 6 mths and then not going on to do a year would have seemed churlish…and so on. Once I had conquered birthdays - others and my own, anniversaries, nights out, Weddings and Christmas without a drink I was feeling internally self righteous and so goddamned pleased with myself I would have hated me if I was a stranger. But I haven’t preached about it. Barely mentioned it - just to say “no thanks” or “what alcohol free options have you got?” Just did it. And now it’s been 2.5 years without a drink. I still miss it everyday - the taste of a lovely dry minerally white wine YUM, but annoyingly the benefits outweigh it all.
Oh my god Sam I (Becks) relate to the time passing so much. I started feeling more cheerful, waking up clear headed. Glastonbury was three months away & I said to myself when I get there, I’ll be honest about whether I’d prefer to have a drink. But when I got to the festival, I was having such a good time that when it came to ordering at the bar I didn’t even want to run the risk of feeling a bit down, depressed, puffy, woolly the following day. When I left Glasto having not touched alcohol at all it felt churlish (your excellent word) not to just carry on. I don’t bring it up unless it’s part of the conversation, and like you, 2.5 years and christmases, birthdays, holidays later I’m just like….oh right, yeah, that’s quite a stint! X
Big Yes to all this. But also huge respect to Glasto AF. You are right about not wanting to run the risk of feeling shite thereafter - actually I think that’s my biggest motivation now. If I had told myself this was what I would be doing and/or thinking a few years ago I would have laughed manically in my own face.
That's the thing isn't it - I never ever thought I could or even would be that person. Corona 0% helps me through the end of the day glitch - and I have a little ramekin of nuts or snacks. I still have a glass of fizz on special occasions but these are giving me less and less of a high. It's all fascinating. Thanks for sharing.
My mother in law invented "champagnuary", where the only drink she was allowed all January was champagne. Frankly iconic and I might copy her next year.
Ah Claire…..nodded along to most of it 🙄 I too love my fuzzy wuzzy wine blanket…..as my evening glasses shall now be called…. Wonderfully honest piece, but I’m not got to beat myself up about things, especially with current world events, plus me re-giving up fags after 6 months back on them after a seven year stoppage…. It’s enough to send me to the pub NOW! 🥂🚬🥴
Loved this piece! As always. I remember discovering booze as a (relatively shy) teenager, and it was a revelation! It ignited all the things I wanted to do, but was too shy! Cue years of quite wild drinking and partying. I remember I used to puke every time I drank at first, but I pushed on, until I hardly ever puked. But then I just had no off switch, and would drink until i physically couldn’t, which meant I often was blackout drunk! I’d wake up to tales of all the embarrassing things I had been up to which I had no memory of!! This went on (on and off) until I got pregnant at 30, and obviously had to stop. The one things that had always caused me pause in my drinking was the terrible hangovers, which as I got older, became “two day hangovers”. I could (sort of) handle the headache and upset tummy, but the anxiety was the thing that was the worst. So after our son was born, and I had to become somewhat of a grown up, not able to party like I used to, I still wanted to drink, but a casual glass or two in the evening was giving me a fuzzy head the text day. And like you Claire, I was also holding down a full time job, managing a department, a new mum, family dramas, etc etc… I spent a few years attempting to casually drink, and join back in with everyone, but it just didn’t work. I’ve never “given up” but I basically don’t drink now. If I’m at an “event” and feeling a bit awkward, I might say yes to a glass of fizz, but generally regret it the next day when I’ve slept badly and can’t string words together properly. I’m basically like the princess and the pea, and wine is the pea! I kind of feel lucky that my body decided that booze wasn’t working for me, because looking back, my drinking was not healthy at all. I was one of the early adopters of the sober life. Over the years, slowly but surely I’ve been joined by most of my friends, and my husband who’s now teetotal (he finds it easier to stop than to moderate). Although at the time I was sad to stop, now, aged 48, I can say hand on my heart my more sober years have been happier than my boozy ones, even though the boozy ones had more highs in some ways, which I do miss. But I’ll take the calm happiness over the ups and downs of drinking. Thanks for this great piece. I enjoyed it, and all the comments as well!
I have absolutely not done Dry January. I have in previous years, and it just made a really shit time even shitter. January is vile. It’s cold, it’s dark shortly after 11am and we are all likely to be poorer and fatter than usual. Worst of all, it also lasts at least 19 weeks.
So yeah, if a flagon of something ice cold and delicious cheers me up at the end of a long day of solo parenting/working for a monster, in the words of Joey Tribbiani, I’m not even sorry.
I’ve been doing Dry Jan and thought I would find it really challenging given the amount I drank in December (Celebration! It’s dark! I’m stressed! Any excuse!). The habit was definitely creeping up in volume and frequency in 2025. I’ve replaced it with a nightly CBD drink, and find I get a really nice buzz from it, but without the anxiety or wooziness (which sometimes tbh I love, like you). It’s not permanent as I think the odd boozy lunch is delicious and life affirming, but it’s helped me rethink/reposition my week and weekend habits for sure, plus I sleep SOOOOO much better.
I’m (Becks) just getting in here before Emily does to say that I LOVE Three Spirit non alcoholic drinks, especially their Nightcap, which emulates whiskey but contains active plant ingredients like Ashwaganda for relaxation. It really does the trick especially over ice with orange zest
Ooh I must try this, I love whisky and it sounds delicious. I’ve just gone with Trip to start but have a delivery of Zooz, a mushroom concoction arriving soon too.
We broke dry January last week because we were on holiday. The pure bliss of a good night’s sleep, clear eyes and skin, reduced anxiety is worth every bit of choosing not to drink alcohol. February is looking like a deliciousy dry one.
I (Becks) am with you on that. Whenever I’ve had a few it’s written all over my face. Also, in general, whenever I notice how great a friend is looking they’ve responded ‘I’ve stopped drinking!’ (Either that or they’re doing the 7 step Korean routine)
All of this. We agreed not to drink when we have work the next day and make do with tea and a little treat like cake or chocolate. I hate the shaming though - I posted a cosy Christmas fireside pic with a glass of red and some chap commented saying it makes him really sad. Don't feel sorry for me pal, I was well happy with my Pinot Noir!!
That’s pretty mental that someone would comment that. Just to even the score, as a member of the non drinking community I’m very happy for you, your red wine, your Christmas fire and your little choccy treat. Becks x
I don't do dry January for many of the same reasons mentioned here and in the comments - my life is very busy, very stressful and it often can feel like the only thing I do for me. I like the taste of alcohol, I like the feeling that when I have a glass of wine it's time to kick back a bit. I've found that going to Park Run on a Saturday morning means I drink a lot less - or not at all - on a Friday night, but Saturday/Sunday is wine time.
I pretty much stopped drinking in 2020 at the time I started taking SSRIs and I probably don’t have more than about 5 drinks in a year now. I’ve really leaned into fancy mocktails or AF ciders/gins/rums if I’m out with people (although a friend and I just got a hot chocolate and a pot of tea at the pub over Christmas!). For me it was never really about the feeling of alcohol so I’m lucky that I can just replace the taste of the drinks I like and occasionally choose to have one if I really want to. It’s also quite fun doing work events completely sober and seeing what goes on around you that others will definitely not remember.
I (Becks) pretty much stopped drinking in 2023, love a hot drink at the pub, and consider myself extremely lucky that I’ve never felt it necessary. I realised too that a lot of the time, drinking was to kind of dissociate from rooms I didn’t want to be in….so I replaced getting pissed with not going in the first place, or just leaving when I felt like it! So much has changed in 3 years. Getting an AF gin & tonic when out is a game changer as I always liked the taste and missed it x
OH and on the skincare side I love a mist - currently using Clinique and a Summer Fridays one I picked up in Sephora NYC because it was cheaper than getting it here.
This is so timely - I feel having cut down a lot last year, that now the exact things you write about - kids, work, housework, stress - have made me slide back into wanting a glass of wine of an evening, and 100% at a social event. But then I don’t feel like exercising and eat an entire (large) box of ferrero rocher the next day and then feel irritable and want a glass of wine and it sort of spirals? Agree wish there was somewhere between teetotal and raging alcoholic 🤦🏽♀️
It’s such an important pattern to identify though, I (Becks) think, and amazing to catch the instinct before it controls you/you become the Rocher monster.
Speaking as someone who doesn’t really drink….I feel like there is space between teetotal and raging alcoholic! I go to dinner with pals who love a drink all the time and don’t judge them for it.
I do wonder whether it’s just that the conversation has been one sided for a very long time (in that everyone drinks and that’s that), and now that it’s two sided there’s an implied judgement x
The planets at Christmas kept on about letting things go that do not nourish you & I assumed it was alcohol however, I just can't ditch it completely even though I have a headache every Saturday! I'm wondering if there is something psychological about Fridays in particular. It doesn't matter how much I consume!
Maybe the planets want you to let go of trying to ditch the Friday sesh! Could be they’re telling you Saturday mornings are for lie ins. That’s a form of nourishment! Becks x
I come from a family of raging alcoholics so I've always kept an eye out for when 'the odd glass' might start to feel like a crutch. During lockdown I'd start watching the clock from about 3pm, desperate for 5pm to come round so I could empty half a bottle of wine into a glass the size of a baby's head and take the edge off the boredom. I'm now 52 and more than a couple makes me sweat wine and sleep like I've fallen out of a taxi after six Diamond Whites and a tequila chaser.
SO, I went into my 50s with three rules - 1) only drink on special occasions (parties, dinners out, holidays, Christmas etc), 2) drink whatever you like, it's a special occasion and 3) whatever you're drinking, never drink more than two.
A few years on, this seems to be working - having a drink feels like a treat, but I can go weeks in between and not give it a thought. LOVE the skincare tips btw, I'll be doing this tomorrow.
Oh I nodded along to this Claire. I decided to challenge myself in July 2023 with no drinking for a month. I was finding my dependance on that 6pm (come on Samantha, it was becoming 5:30pm) wine which became half a bottle a night was pissing me off despite looking forward to it and enjoying it sooooo much. But I was also resenting it because it made me feel like it wasn’t just a sociable end of day little habit but a sociable end of day addiction. My husband drinks and it was always a nice “what would you like to drink darling?” question at the end of the day. Sort of a full stop. A contented sigh and a smile. Anyway. The challenge. I replaced wine with non alcoholic beer - I still wanted the feeling of celebratory day end/evening beginness and tried lots of other alcohol free offerings. Mother Root, Kombucha, Calm, radaradarada…after a month — THE SLEEP I WAS HAVING WAS REVELATORY. The quality of it. I felt better. Damn it. I looked better fuck it. I lost weight. Jeezus give me strength. I was in a better mood. I know right?!? The reduced inflammation - no it wasn’t just age making my joints ache and creek F F S. So I challenged myself to do 3 mths then 6 mths and then not going on to do a year would have seemed churlish…and so on. Once I had conquered birthdays - others and my own, anniversaries, nights out, Weddings and Christmas without a drink I was feeling internally self righteous and so goddamned pleased with myself I would have hated me if I was a stranger. But I haven’t preached about it. Barely mentioned it - just to say “no thanks” or “what alcohol free options have you got?” Just did it. And now it’s been 2.5 years without a drink. I still miss it everyday - the taste of a lovely dry minerally white wine YUM, but annoyingly the benefits outweigh it all.
Oh my god Sam I (Becks) relate to the time passing so much. I started feeling more cheerful, waking up clear headed. Glastonbury was three months away & I said to myself when I get there, I’ll be honest about whether I’d prefer to have a drink. But when I got to the festival, I was having such a good time that when it came to ordering at the bar I didn’t even want to run the risk of feeling a bit down, depressed, puffy, woolly the following day. When I left Glasto having not touched alcohol at all it felt churlish (your excellent word) not to just carry on. I don’t bring it up unless it’s part of the conversation, and like you, 2.5 years and christmases, birthdays, holidays later I’m just like….oh right, yeah, that’s quite a stint! X
Big Yes to all this. But also huge respect to Glasto AF. You are right about not wanting to run the risk of feeling shite thereafter - actually I think that’s my biggest motivation now. If I had told myself this was what I would be doing and/or thinking a few years ago I would have laughed manically in my own face.
That's the thing isn't it - I never ever thought I could or even would be that person. Corona 0% helps me through the end of the day glitch - and I have a little ramekin of nuts or snacks. I still have a glass of fizz on special occasions but these are giving me less and less of a high. It's all fascinating. Thanks for sharing.
Mmm little nut ramekin, have you had the truffle pecorino ones from Belazu? Never mind alcohol those nuts are like crack cocaine to me (Becks)
May not surprise you to know that it is indeed that brand I love. The rosemary ones!
My mother in law invented "champagnuary", where the only drink she was allowed all January was champagne. Frankly iconic and I might copy her next year.
What a legend!
I love booze.
Ah Claire…..nodded along to most of it 🙄 I too love my fuzzy wuzzy wine blanket…..as my evening glasses shall now be called…. Wonderfully honest piece, but I’m not got to beat myself up about things, especially with current world events, plus me re-giving up fags after 6 months back on them after a seven year stoppage…. It’s enough to send me to the pub NOW! 🥂🚬🥴
my card is behind the bar
😝
Loved this piece! As always. I remember discovering booze as a (relatively shy) teenager, and it was a revelation! It ignited all the things I wanted to do, but was too shy! Cue years of quite wild drinking and partying. I remember I used to puke every time I drank at first, but I pushed on, until I hardly ever puked. But then I just had no off switch, and would drink until i physically couldn’t, which meant I often was blackout drunk! I’d wake up to tales of all the embarrassing things I had been up to which I had no memory of!! This went on (on and off) until I got pregnant at 30, and obviously had to stop. The one things that had always caused me pause in my drinking was the terrible hangovers, which as I got older, became “two day hangovers”. I could (sort of) handle the headache and upset tummy, but the anxiety was the thing that was the worst. So after our son was born, and I had to become somewhat of a grown up, not able to party like I used to, I still wanted to drink, but a casual glass or two in the evening was giving me a fuzzy head the text day. And like you Claire, I was also holding down a full time job, managing a department, a new mum, family dramas, etc etc… I spent a few years attempting to casually drink, and join back in with everyone, but it just didn’t work. I’ve never “given up” but I basically don’t drink now. If I’m at an “event” and feeling a bit awkward, I might say yes to a glass of fizz, but generally regret it the next day when I’ve slept badly and can’t string words together properly. I’m basically like the princess and the pea, and wine is the pea! I kind of feel lucky that my body decided that booze wasn’t working for me, because looking back, my drinking was not healthy at all. I was one of the early adopters of the sober life. Over the years, slowly but surely I’ve been joined by most of my friends, and my husband who’s now teetotal (he finds it easier to stop than to moderate). Although at the time I was sad to stop, now, aged 48, I can say hand on my heart my more sober years have been happier than my boozy ones, even though the boozy ones had more highs in some ways, which I do miss. But I’ll take the calm happiness over the ups and downs of drinking. Thanks for this great piece. I enjoyed it, and all the comments as well!
I have absolutely not done Dry January. I have in previous years, and it just made a really shit time even shitter. January is vile. It’s cold, it’s dark shortly after 11am and we are all likely to be poorer and fatter than usual. Worst of all, it also lasts at least 19 weeks.
So yeah, if a flagon of something ice cold and delicious cheers me up at the end of a long day of solo parenting/working for a monster, in the words of Joey Tribbiani, I’m not even sorry.
I’ve been doing Dry Jan and thought I would find it really challenging given the amount I drank in December (Celebration! It’s dark! I’m stressed! Any excuse!). The habit was definitely creeping up in volume and frequency in 2025. I’ve replaced it with a nightly CBD drink, and find I get a really nice buzz from it, but without the anxiety or wooziness (which sometimes tbh I love, like you). It’s not permanent as I think the odd boozy lunch is delicious and life affirming, but it’s helped me rethink/reposition my week and weekend habits for sure, plus I sleep SOOOOO much better.
What CBD drink do you go for?
I’m (Becks) just getting in here before Emily does to say that I LOVE Three Spirit non alcoholic drinks, especially their Nightcap, which emulates whiskey but contains active plant ingredients like Ashwaganda for relaxation. It really does the trick especially over ice with orange zest
Ooh I must try this, I love whisky and it sounds delicious. I’ve just gone with Trip to start but have a delivery of Zooz, a mushroom concoction arriving soon too.
We broke dry January last week because we were on holiday. The pure bliss of a good night’s sleep, clear eyes and skin, reduced anxiety is worth every bit of choosing not to drink alcohol. February is looking like a deliciousy dry one.
I (Becks) am with you on that. Whenever I’ve had a few it’s written all over my face. Also, in general, whenever I notice how great a friend is looking they’ve responded ‘I’ve stopped drinking!’ (Either that or they’re doing the 7 step Korean routine)
All of this. We agreed not to drink when we have work the next day and make do with tea and a little treat like cake or chocolate. I hate the shaming though - I posted a cosy Christmas fireside pic with a glass of red and some chap commented saying it makes him really sad. Don't feel sorry for me pal, I was well happy with my Pinot Noir!!
That’s pretty mental that someone would comment that. Just to even the score, as a member of the non drinking community I’m very happy for you, your red wine, your Christmas fire and your little choccy treat. Becks x
I don't do dry January for many of the same reasons mentioned here and in the comments - my life is very busy, very stressful and it often can feel like the only thing I do for me. I like the taste of alcohol, I like the feeling that when I have a glass of wine it's time to kick back a bit. I've found that going to Park Run on a Saturday morning means I drink a lot less - or not at all - on a Friday night, but Saturday/Sunday is wine time.
I pretty much stopped drinking in 2020 at the time I started taking SSRIs and I probably don’t have more than about 5 drinks in a year now. I’ve really leaned into fancy mocktails or AF ciders/gins/rums if I’m out with people (although a friend and I just got a hot chocolate and a pot of tea at the pub over Christmas!). For me it was never really about the feeling of alcohol so I’m lucky that I can just replace the taste of the drinks I like and occasionally choose to have one if I really want to. It’s also quite fun doing work events completely sober and seeing what goes on around you that others will definitely not remember.
I (Becks) pretty much stopped drinking in 2023, love a hot drink at the pub, and consider myself extremely lucky that I’ve never felt it necessary. I realised too that a lot of the time, drinking was to kind of dissociate from rooms I didn’t want to be in….so I replaced getting pissed with not going in the first place, or just leaving when I felt like it! So much has changed in 3 years. Getting an AF gin & tonic when out is a game changer as I always liked the taste and missed it x
OH and on the skincare side I love a mist - currently using Clinique and a Summer Fridays one I picked up in Sephora NYC because it was cheaper than getting it here.
This is so timely - I feel having cut down a lot last year, that now the exact things you write about - kids, work, housework, stress - have made me slide back into wanting a glass of wine of an evening, and 100% at a social event. But then I don’t feel like exercising and eat an entire (large) box of ferrero rocher the next day and then feel irritable and want a glass of wine and it sort of spirals? Agree wish there was somewhere between teetotal and raging alcoholic 🤦🏽♀️
It’s such an important pattern to identify though, I (Becks) think, and amazing to catch the instinct before it controls you/you become the Rocher monster.
Speaking as someone who doesn’t really drink….I feel like there is space between teetotal and raging alcoholic! I go to dinner with pals who love a drink all the time and don’t judge them for it.
I do wonder whether it’s just that the conversation has been one sided for a very long time (in that everyone drinks and that’s that), and now that it’s two sided there’s an implied judgement x
Thank you so much for linking! And the 2015 bottle advice has got me through many a wine panic!
The planets at Christmas kept on about letting things go that do not nourish you & I assumed it was alcohol however, I just can't ditch it completely even though I have a headache every Saturday! I'm wondering if there is something psychological about Fridays in particular. It doesn't matter how much I consume!
Maybe the planets want you to let go of trying to ditch the Friday sesh! Could be they’re telling you Saturday mornings are for lie ins. That’s a form of nourishment! Becks x
😂😂😂😂
SO THRILLED with my mention!! xx
Honestly such a good piece, the Substack and the big proper times one x