by Rebecca
I do not self identify as a very pale person, so it is always quite a shock when I see a picture of myself next to another member of the human race looking like Elvira Mistress of the Dark. In my head and possibly inside my body I am this sort of freckled-shouldered, golden ingenue operating within the filter of Kirsten Dunst in The Virgin Suicides.
The reality of late is something altogether more Stellan Skarsgård in Dune. So pale as to be almost blue, like a young bruise on the cusp of developing. It has to do with having sat in the same chair and written for months on end. But the skies are changing and the shorts are starting to come out and I know this because I sometimes leave my darkened room for more coffee and can see legs out of the window.
Soon I will also see living beings that aren’t my boyfriend or cat, and I would like to not look ill when it happens. This is why last weekend I made the trip to a big Boots (heaven!) to try out some tans. There’s always a reason to hesitate, of course. I always remember when fellow pale Victorian ghost Nicola Roberts from Girls Aloud got read to absolute filth in the press for daring to wear fake tan in the 2000s when absolutely everybody else was too. How dare she be ginger and beach body ready? For this reason, I have always opted for a gradual tan as it affords me my very favourite thing in this world: ultimate control.
First, body. I’ve gone around the houses for years on this, from Tan Luxe to St Tropez to Nuxe to the appallingly named Skinny Tan. They did not have my usual Garnier Summer Body, so having never tried Dove so thought I’d give that a go. I can now attest that Dove Summer Revived gradual tanning lotion is exactly the same as all of the rest of them, is actually slightly less orangey than Garnier, and a steal at £4.25. I’m gently joining the land of the living and not a streak in sight.
Then, ze face. I quite like the Isle of Paradise drops, as you can mix a tiny amount in with your regular moisturiser. But in the end I caved and went to Space NK, and picked up this self tan serum. It comes out stronger than most gradual tans, but the colour felt so natural and flattering it didn’t matter. I wouldn’t replace your regular serum with it, just use once or twice during the week.
I was on a roll that day, and for whatever reason felt enticed in an ‘inner child’ way back to Boots and the Benefit counter. Benefit was was my gateway drug into makeup that cost more than twenty quid, so I often overlook it in a sneery ‘it’s for teenagers’ way. But there is a reason those mad pink concessions are still knocking about twenty years later and that is because some of those products are superb and will last honestly years. Benetint! Hula! High beam! Honestly I couldn’t have felt more nostalgic if they had a screen playing Crossroads starring Britney Spears. And if you haven’t read about Britney’s Daniel Day Lewis-esque process during that movie in her memoir ‘Piece of Me’…..you must.
Anyway a gust of sentimentality meant just had to buy something, and came away with this eyeliner. I’ve had mixed feelings about winged eyeliner for a good while, seeings as how Gen Z now take the piss re it being a millennial signpost. But if the boot fits, wear it, and if the eyeliner makes you feel pretty, Winehouse it on. I have quite greasy eyelids, apparently (we all have our thing eh) so even waterproof liquid eyeliner has a job staying on. This one stayed put right until bedtime.
My last recommendation of the week (it’s a quick one owing to work sludge pile) is an independent brand ilapothecary, specifically their SOS body balm, that I came across at a massage I had. On the whole I am against buying any product that is used during a treatment as it only encourages upselling at a space that’s meant to be relaxing, but once it the treatment had finished I requested it…not so tight after all!
Blue chamomile and arnica. Cooling, soothing, healing and particularly excellent for tired muscles. A buttery, slightly grainy texture that melts against the skin after a warm bath or shower. I was advised to use it sparingly on my shoulders and neck, and use coconut oil on the rest of me to ensure that it lasts. The masseuse insisted I use it every single evening as an act of self care, and who I am to argue?
That’s it for today! Summer’s coming Trowelettes, and we’re wondering whether there’s anything on your radar you’d like for us to try before you buy? Let us know in the comments, and then go and frolic bank holiday style x
Yes I would highly recommend the Dove , it’s extremely entry level! A friend last night said to me that a tan just makes your summer tops look nicer, and she’s right, so go for it. I’ve only tried the violette_fr lip stains and can confirm they are excellent but I’ll happily delve in for some more. Gen See is good all round but their eye colours are the best product for my money, great pigment & they really cling on! x
I'm a ghost too, to the point of being fish-belly white (oooo, so sexy) do you reckon that dove self tan is worth a go? I have literally never tanned in my life because I once tried a sample of body shop on my arm in like 2001 and it looked like I drew on myself with an orange Sharpie, so I'm sort of terrified of it. Also, I'm being stalked by Gen See (zee?) and Violette FR make up on social media and I'm so curious about it but at this point in my life I dont but anything until the Trowel tells me to 😂